Evil has devious ways of making us feel bad. Because when we feel bad, the devil feels good... And one way to make him feel bad is to feel good - even when we feel bad. Sounds like wordplay, huh?
I would often wonder, in this stage of my life, what if this is it for me? What if I already met God's quota of blessings per person? And since I don't have a job yet, it's prolonging - stalling my desire to be able to settle in my new home, help my husband, build a family...
Then there is the age problem of women on childbearing. My husband has good physical lineage - aesthetically speaking. And so the pressure is mounting on both sides of the family to produce beautiful babies.
Comes next are my personal dreams of traveling. I saw some of my friends who set aside their self for the sake of their children's wellbeing. As long as their children are happy and healthy, then they're happy. But what about my personal happiness? I know that sounds selfish but am I the kind of person (or future mother) to foresake my own dreams for my children to be able to pursue theirs? Isn't it possible to get the best of both?
Everytime these negative thoughts come to mind, I thank God for the Holy Spirit's guidance to always be thankful for what I have and what I had. I never thought I'd be where I am now but I am. I never thought I'd have a big beautiful rock on my finger, but I have. I never thought I'd have the greatest accessory in tow - my husband (as shallow as it may sound). That if God made all of these possible, what more can He DO for me? Surely, as long as I live, He will always try to top my expectations.
And every time pessimism lurks in, I always hear my good buddy's advise (Kirvy). Reassuring me that life is good, why ruin it with bad thoughts ? (And this came from a guy whose trials I dread happening to me.) Add to that a husband whose positivity is as blindingly brilliant, I find that optimism can actually be as infectious.
So who am I to question the possibilities of God's handiwork on me? Surely He is not yet done. He has a plan for my life. Plans to prosper and not to harm. Plans to give me hope and a future. (Jer. 29:11) Sure, envy creeps once in awhile but I turn it around by simply being genuinely happy for other people's good fortune. God is just biding His time, and His timing is always perfect. My time will come, as it always has. It may not be in the way I expect, but I know it would be something even more wonderful.
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