Reaching Out to Your Teen - By Ron Luce
"My kid just won't talk! Every time I ask him a question, he just gives me the same answer: 'I dunno'!"
Do conversations with your teenager sound like that? As we desire deeper relationship with our teens, we must recognize vulnerable moments to engage their heart. I call these moments windows to the heart. Recognizing a wide open window to your child's heart can lead to significant life discussions with your child. Deuteronomy 6:6,7 says, These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children.. (NIV)
When your kids demonstrate openness, pay close attention. Openness might come through questions like, "Mom, do you think I'm pretty?", "Dad, what do you think I'm good at?" or "I don't think anybody likes me." Statements that linger await your attention and response.
At times, the window opens "Mom, can we talk?" or "Dad, I want to share something with you." Maybe your child begins sharing something with you about his day. You might feel like saying, "Let's talk about it tomorrow," or "I'm too tired." As parents, we must seize the moment to minister and speak truth into their lives before the window is shut tight.
How to Encourage an Open Window
The window to your child's heart has a higher probability of opening after you do some activity together that has nothing to do with a serious topic. For example, if you play a nonsensical game or go somewhere fun, you child will feel an atmosphere of love, trust and affection from you. The window will probably begin to squeak open by the end or after your time together.
When your kids invite you to do something, even if you may not want to or it makes you look silly, do it anyway. This bonding proves they can trust you with their hearts. In the teen years it is crucial to look for the opportunities to direct them to God in faith, His promises and His truth. With issues facing teens today, we have got to be the ones that love them enough to listen. Their children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. Psalm 112:2 (NIV)
Inconvenient Times
The window to your child's heart can occur at any waking moment while you're busy with work, watching a movie, or riding in the car.
For me, it usually happens after a hard day of work and they've had a hard day at school. One time, I was exhausted after a long day, and my daughter Charity asked, "Hey, you want to make me a cup of coffee?" That was a cue she wanted to spend time with me. I was really tired and didn't want to talk. I just wanted to go to bed. But I value the openness of my daughter's heart more than my own sleep. The window of her heart might not ever open the same way again. If I didn't carve out that time with her, it might have created a memory that whispered, When I'm open, he doesn't want to talk to me. And I'm not going to let that thought happen. I'm going to seize the moment!
The Deepest Part of Your Child's Heart
A teenager is going to talk to somebody about what's going on in their heart. The question is, will it be you? Or will it be someone with far less biblical wisdom? The ones your children open up to are the ones who will have the most influence on shaping their hearts and lives.
Your teen's heart will be vulnerable to those who are listening. Is she sharing her heart on Facebook? It's tragic when a teen blogs their pain for the wold to see sitting 10 yards away from Mom and Dad who are too busy to listen.
This generation of teens needs parents who are willing to sacrifice. Your active attention and love will draw your teens' heart to trust you and God. Start creating opportunities to show tangible love so the window to their heart will be opened. The sacrifice is worth it.
God wants your teenager to succeed. And you, too. In fact, His Word says May the LORD cause you to flourish, both you and your children Psalm 115:14 (NIV)
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RON LUCE is President and Founder of Teen Mania Ministries, a Christian organization reaching millions of young people worldwide. He passionately delares the Gospel through Acquire the Fire TV broadcasts, youth events, camps and media resources, challenging teens to take a stand for Christ. teenmania.org
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